


the group chat needs to find their chill (yaint)

by Padfootthegrim



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Families of Choice, Group chat, Hugs, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Mentions of Violence, Mentions of homophobia, My First Work in This Fandom, No Smut, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Pidge | Katie Holt, Oops, Out of Character, Pining Keith (Voltron), Season/Series 02 Spoilers, Technology, Texting, The Author Regrets Everything, Trans Male Character, Trans Shiro (Voltron), Where are the Holts, hints of klance, mentions of dysphoria, no ships, texting au, transcribed from actual group chat with my friends, voltron obsession, we found shiro he was in hungary, wtf russia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-26
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2018-10-24 04:55:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 1,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10734543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Padfootthegrim/pseuds/Padfootthegrim
Summary: preparetobeSTABBED: The return of the space dadTheRealBeyonce: showing in theatres everywhereinfinitestress: I’m back, suffering from PTSD (post trauma space dad)GordanRamsey: Omg xDpreparetobeSTABBED: the fairly odd parents theme song just popped into my head wtfMygenderis_ALIEN: lol





	1. MEGAGAYKEITHCRISIS

**Author's Note:**

> This is from an actual group chat my friends and I have, I literally copied a conversation and changed the usernames to protect their privacy. Yes we pretend to be voltron characters, don't judge. (I'm Keith btw) 
> 
> preparetobeSTABBED: keith  
> TheRealBeyonce: lance  
> infinitestress: shiro  
> GordanRamsey: hunk  
> Mygenderis_ALIEN: pidge

[Writing playlist](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZp3Mtn-YsI&list=PLNozkWzEg46T5dGQUJY5iMTR0HIxOslY8)

 chapter title (which was our actual chat name lol) inspired by [this](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7577872/chapters/17241706) lovely fic

_Infinitestress entered the chat_

**preparetobeSTABBED:** yoooooo space dad

**infinitestress:** Good morning paladins

**GordonRamsey:** Omg heyyyyy

**Mygenderis_ALIEN:** Hey hey hey

**preparetobeSTABBED:** it's 9:00 pm here lol

**TheRealBeyonce:** I read that in Allura’s voice yikes

**TheRealBeyonce:** What time is it there?

**infinitestress:** 6 am

**GordanRamsey:** Dad’s home!!!

**Mygenderis_ALIEN:** Y R U AWAKE

**TheRealBeyonce:** My world clock say it’s 6:32 lies

**preparetobeSTABBED:** We found Shiro guys

**Mygenderis_ALIEN:** He was in Hungary all along

**infinitestress:** Guess who’s back

**infinitestress:** Back again

**infinitestress:** Shiro’s back

**infinitestress:** Tell a friend

**GordanRamsey:** Stop yourself

**preparetobeSTABBED:** The return of the space dad

**TheRealBeyonce:** showing in theatres everywhere

**infinitestress:** I’m back, suffering from PTSD (post trauma space dad)

**GordanRamsey:** Omg xD

**preparetobeSTABBED:** the fairly odd parents theme song just popped into my head wtf

**Mygenderis_ALIEN:** lol

**infinitestress:** (+ dysphoria but thats a different story)

**preparetobeSTABBED:** *hugs shiro*

**Mygenderis_ALIEN:** GROUP HUG

**infinitestress:** thx

**TheRealBeyonce:** ok but take away Pidge’s bayard first

**Mygenderis_ALIEN:** *stabbing motion* mwahahahahahahaha

**TheRealBeyonce:** WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU

**TheRealBeyonce:** DAAAAAAAAAAD

**TheRealBeyonce:** TELL PIDGE TO STOP

**preparetobeSTABBED:** Bad gremlin

**Mygenderis_ALIEN:** YOU CANT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

**preparetobeSTABBED:** Dad take away Pidge’s peanut butter

**TheRealBeyonce:** Yeah!

**infinitestress:** IF YOU ACTULLY WANT A CHANCE OF FINDING YOUR FAMILY FOR QUIZNAKS SAKE PUT THE BAYARD DOWN.

**infinitestress:** Sorry about that

**TheRealBeyonce:** oooooooooh

**preparetobeSTABBED:** harsh

**Mygenderis_ALIEN: *** Gasps* how dare u!!!!!

**preparetobeSTABBED:** *pulls out popcorn*

**infinitestress:** okay okay pidge i didnt mean it like that. Calm down and focus.

**GordanRamsey:** Pidge we love you

**GordanRamsey:** we don’t love your bayard

**infinitestress:** and that means you need to stop poking Lance

**preparetobeSTABBED:** *throws popcorn @ everyone*

**TheRealBeyonce:** Free popcorn!!!!1!1!!!

**Mygenderis_ALIEN:** Fine

**Mygenderis_ALIEN:** but only bc u asked space dad

**infinitestress:** thank you pidge

**Mygenderis_ALIEN:** xD

**preparetobeSTABBED:** *is out of popcorn*

**preparetobeSTABBED:** i have the same amount of popcorn that i do family

**Mygenderis_ALIEN:** my popcorn was lost

**Mygenderis_ALIEN:** Taken away from me

**Infinitestress:** We r ur family keith, pidge.

**preparetobeSTABBED:** we’re so tragic

**preparetobeSTABBED:** Yaint

**preparetobeSTABBED:** Yaint

**preparetobeSTABBED:** Yaint

**preparetobeSTABBED:** Yaint

**preparetobeSTABBED:** Yaint

**Mygenderis_ALIEN:** pls stop

**GordanRamsey:** Guys imma have to mute you

**GordanRamsey:** im sorry

**Mygenderis_ALIEN:** ya i need to sleep

**Infinitestress:** keith stop giving hunk anxiety

**Mygenderis_ALIEN:** long day tomorrow

**preparetobeSTABBED:** Sorry Hunk you deserve better

**GordanRamsey:** listen to space dad

**preparetobeSTABBED:** one more

**preparetobeSTABBED:** yaint

**Infinitestress:** stop yainting keith that is not helpful

**GordanRamsey:** inhale the memes

**preparetobeSTABBED:** yaint

**GordanRamsey:** exhale the memes

**TheRealBeyonce:** wot in tarnation

**preparetobeSTABBED:** INJECT THE MEMES INTO MY BLOODSTREAM

**GordanRamsey:** OK imma go now

**Infinitestress:** *sighs* (at least they are all getting along for once)

**TheRealBeyonce:** dream about cooking things hunk!

_GordanRamsey exited the chat_

**Infinitestress:** goodbye fellow paladins. Sleep well. Ill return soon.

**Infinitestress:** eat all your space goo

_Infinitestress exited the chat_

**TheRealBeyonce:** *stays awake for hours in the dark*

**Mygenderis_ALIEN:** yes space dad

_Mygenderis_ALIEN exited the chat_

**preparetobeSTABBED:** sir yes sir

_preparetobeSTABBED exited the chat_

_TheRealBeyonce exited the chat_

  
  



	2. READY TO SIN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> be warned: mentions of assassins in this one. This is a continuation of a verbal conversation about the Russian situation. I am not intending to make light of the situation, as it is a very serious matter. No matter how ridiculous the conversation was we were and are all genuinely pissed off and scared (and gay). If you don't know what I'm talking about, read the article I've linked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is very short and is mainly keith and lance, with pidge saying like one thing

[what we were referring to](https://www.nytimes.com/2017/04/21/world/europe/chechnya-russia-attacks-gays.html?_r=0)

 

**TheRealBeyonce:** Also I agree with Keith how does one become an assassin

**TheRealBeyonce:** because the leader of Russia needs to die

**preparetobeSTABBED:** unbridled rage

**preparetobeSTABBED:** RAGE

**Mygenderis_ALIEN:** truuuu

**preparetobeSTABBED:** guys they’re hackers remember

**preparetobeSTABBED:** what if they saw.. and killed me… oh no.. such tragedy…

**TheRealBeyonce:** IM GAY!!!!!!!1122

**TheRealBeyonce:** IM SO GAY

**TheRealbeyonce:** COME GET ME

**preparetobeSTABBED:** YO RUSSIAN HACKERS IM GAY AND MAD U WANNA FITE

**TheRealBeyonce:** GAYGAYGAYGAYGAYGAYGAYGAYGAYGAYGAYGAYGAY

**preparetobeSTABBED:** ULTRAGAYS

_           TheRealBeyonce renamed the group gaygaygaygaygaygaygaygay _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be ready for more updates soon! I have so many screenshots to type up mwahahaha


	3. Satan's children

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> late night conversations can get a little... strange  
> keith, as usual, has no chill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dan and phil references...  
> also I should probably mention that I don't own Voltron, Dreamworks does. Sadly. They would be a lot gayer if I had a say in it lol  
> In case you forgot...  
> preparetobeSTABBED: Keith  
> Mygenderis_ALIEN: Pidge  
> GordanRamsey: Hunk  
> TheRealBeyonce: Lance  
> infinitestress: Shiro

**TheRealBeyonce:** Don’t swallow things that are for external use guys

**preparetobeSTABBED:** mmmmmm shampoos tast gud tho

**TheRealBeyonce:** really?????

**TheRealBeyonce:** brb

**preparetobeSTABBED:** noo

**preparetobeSTABBED:** dont listen to me im high on brownies

**preparetobeSTABBED:** … i shld clarify

_ GordanRamsey renamed the group children of god _

**GordanRamsey:** xD XD XD lolololololololol

**preparetobeSTABBED:** they’re not pot brownies I just ate like 10 of them

**GordanRamsey:** yum

**TheRealBeyonce:** keith tried to kill me

_ preparetobeSTABBED renamed the group READYTO SIN _

**preparetobeSTABBED:** Don’T LISTE N

**preparetobeSTABBED:** TO ME

**TheRealBeyonce:** whatever you say

**TheRealBeyonce:** yall

**preparetobeSTABBED:** yaintve

**preparetobeSTABBED:** YAINT

_ GordanRamsey renamed the group SAITINS CHILDREN _

_ TheRealBeyonce renamed the group JESUS IS OUR LORD _

_ preparetobeSTABBED renamed the group READY FOR DEATH _

_ TheRealBeyonce renamed the group Death to Go _

**Mygenderis_ALIEN:** me

**preparetobeSTABBED:** sounds like we sell death at a drive thru

**Mygenderis_ALIEN:** i go there daily

**TheRealBeyonce:** Mmmmmm yum

_ preparetobeSTABBED renamed the group SOFT AND NEAT _

**TheRealBeyonce:** you didn’t

**preparetobeSTABBED:** I did ;)

**TheRealBeyonce:** I’m crafting

**preparetobeSTABBED:** donT CRY

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is all I have ready to go so the next update might take awhile  
> (Just realized the sad lack of Space dad. Next chapter will feature Shiro! I promise!)


	4. Hunk is important

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a failed goodnight lol sorry space dad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is rly short sorry

**infinitestress:** Goodnight paladins

**infinitestress:** Sleep well

**Mygenderis_ALIEN:** Goodnight space dad

**infinitestress:** night pidge

_ infinitestress exited the chat _

**TheRealBeyonce:** G

**TheRealBeyonce:** O

**TheRealBeyonce:** O

**TheRealBeyonce:** D

**TheRealBeyonce:** N

**TheRealBeyonce:** I

**TheRealBeyonce:** G

**TheRealBeyonce:** H

**TheRealBeyonce:** T

**Mygenderis_ALIEN:** boi

**TheRealBeyonce:** Do you ever feel

**TheRealBeyonce:** like a plastic bag

**TheRealBeyonce:** drifting through the wind

_ infinitestress entered the chat _

**TheRealBeyonce:** oops did i wake you

**TheRealBeyonce:** sorry

**Mygenderis_ALIEN:** wanting to start again

**TheRealBeyonce:** Do you ever feel like so paper thin

**Mygenderis_ALIEN:** like a house of cards

**Mygenderis_ALIEN:** one blow from caving in

**infinitestress:** DEATH OF A BACHELOR

**TheRealBeyonce:** noooooo

**TheRealBeyonce:** we were doing so well

**Mygenderis_ALIEN:** i thought we were going to sleep

**TheRealBeyonce:** thats what everyone thought

**TheRealBeyonce:** and then

**TheRealBeyonce:** *mimics explosion*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> posting the next one tomorrow!!!!


	5. Knife Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a knife fight, but probably not the kind you're thinking of

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: mentions of homophobia   
> also I still don't own Voltron

**TheRealBeyonce:** what's… outdoors?

**GordanRamsey:** same lance same

**infinitestress:** no wifi what the quiznak?

**infinitestress:** find space dad and get a high five

**GordanRamsey:** yaaaaaaas

**TheRealBeyonce:** YOU GOT ANY EXTRA KNIVES KEITH

**TheRealBeyonce:** i could really use some knives

**TheRealBeyonce:** PE has put me in a very stabby mood

**preparetobeSTABBED:** get your own knives

**preparetobeSTABBED:** these r my babies

**infinitestress:** stab stab

_ TheRealBeyonce renamed the group lance is stabby _

_ preparetobeSTABBED renamed the group keith is stabby _

**preparetobeSTABBED:** im the only stabby one around here

**TheRealBeyonce:** Nope

_ TheRealBeyonce renamed the group GIVE ME YOUR KNIVES _

_ GordonRamsey renamed the group Keith don’t _

_ preparetobeSTABBED renamed the group MY KNIVES _

_ TheRealBeyonce renamed the group pls Keith babe ;;;;) _

_ preparetobeSTABBED renamed the group ohgodno _

_ TheRealBeyonce renamed the group pls mulletman _

_ GordonRamsey renamed the group Fite fir knives _

_ preparetobeSTABBED renamed the group FITE ME THEYRE MINE _

_ TheRealBeyonce renamed the group stab some1 4 me? _

_ preparetobeSTABBED renamed the group who need to be stabbed _

**TheRealBeyonce:** PE teacher

**preparetobeSTABBED:** i will stab them

**TheRealBeyonce:** +homophobic classmates

**preparetobeSTABBED:** READY 2 STAB

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> new chapter whenever I have time to write!


	6. TheAUnooneasked4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Disney refereances, uncontrollable gayness, Keith being an emo shit. Ya know, the usual. beware the bee movie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm alive!!!!!! updating is inconsistent I'm sorry

**preparetobeSTABBED:** *yells* NO

 **Mygenderis_ALIEN:** *takes Keith’s knives*

 **preparetobeSTABBED:** he’s been through enough he’s only 6

 **preparetobeSTABBED:** nooooo

 **preparetobeSTABBED:** not me knives

 **TheRealBeyonce:** sorry ;-)

 **preparetobeSTABBED:** but maaaaam eets just me knives

 **GordanRamsey:** guys do you want to see the cutest gay couple ever?

 **Mygenderis_ALIEN:** id be cool with that

 **preparetobeSTABBED:** im down

**GordanRamsey:**

**preparetobeSTABBED:** *softly* good

 **GordanRamsey:** they’re so cute it kills me

 **Mygenderis_ALIEN:** *even softer* pure

 **GordanRamsey:** imma die

 **preparetobeSTABBED:** death by gay

 **TheRealBeyonce:** i don’t think it’s possible to die by gay

 **TheRealBeyonce:** otherwise we’d all be dead by now

 **Mygenderis_ALIEN:** tru

 **preparetobeSTABBED:** *whispers* does it count if I’m dead inside

 **Mygenderis_ALIEN:** my name is keith and I’m sooooooo emo

 **TheRealBeyonce:** lolololololololol

 **preparetobeSTABBED:** wow thx pidge

 

**_(AN: and then several years of memes. Gonna skip forward in time like an hour, when the meme war settled down.)_ **

 

 **infinitestress:** Disney princess dates?

 **infinitestress:** anyone?

 **TheRealBeyonce:** Rapunzel or Belle

 **infinitestress:** noice

 **Mygenderis_ALIEN:** merida

 **Mygenderis_ALIEN:** cuz that would be interesting

 **preparetobeSTABBED:** mulan or merida probably tbh

 **Mygenderis_ALIEN:** nice

 **TheRealBeyonce:** who is this girl i see

 **TheRealBeyonce:** staring straight back at me

 **TheRealBeyonce:** when will my reflection show

 **TheRealBeyonce:** who I am insiiiiiiiiiiddeeeeee

 **preparetobeSTABBED:** gay

 **TheRealBeyonce:** now i see that if i were truly to be myself i would break my family’s heart

 **TheRealBeyonce:** yeet

 **TheRealBeyonce:** ^^ most relatable lyrics

 **preparetobeSTABBED:** smae

 **preparetobeSTABBED:** yeet

 **infinitestress: *** relates into the void*

 **infinitestress:** yyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetttttttttt

 **infinitestress:** i must go now

 **TheRealBeyonce:** farewell

 **preparetobeSTABBED:** bee

 **preparetobeSTABBED:** bii

 **preparetobeSTABBED:** byy

 **TheRealBeyonce:** movie

 **TheRealBeyonce:** according to all known laws of aviation

 **preparetobeSTABBED:** stop

 **preparetobeSTABBED:** NO

 **TheRealBeyonce:** a bee shouldn’t be able to fly

 **preparetobeSTABBED:** never again

 **infinitestress:** fudge this shist I’m out

 **preparetobeSTABBED:** *war flashbacks*

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise I haven't abandoned this, I'm just busy and tired.


	7. ya boi FUCKED UP

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i fucked up. i done goofed. im sorry!

guys. gals. nonbinary pals. whomstever is reading this trash. i have made,,,,, a mistake,,,,,,,,,,  
my phone broke some time ago, i got a new one, no biggie. right? wrong.  
i lost all my pictures, including the screenshots i use to write this thing, and we talk so much in the chat that the convos i saved are looooooong gone.  
this means that i have to get new material!! ahhh!!   
updates will be even slower  
i will have to make up stuff and i am not! funny!  
so sorry, i should have had backup or gotten off my ass and written everything on google docs  
hnnnggnngnngg

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry, updates gonna be hella delayed

**Author's Note:**

> updates will come whenever I have the time :)
> 
> \-----------  
> changed the rating to teen bc language and stuff


End file.
